The journey has not been linear. It has not been perfect (hello b***ocks moderation and all the d**ks who peddle it)
It's certainly not been easy, but has it been worth it?
If I could go back in time to that sad, broken woman who sat in this very same spot on the 10th of August 2020 I'd offer her the following advice.
"Buckle up, this is going to get bumpy. You will grieve your old life but then you'll get to enjoy the beautiful version that was always yours to take.
I know you worry you wont sleep and at first you wont, but the sleep that awaits you the other side - will be the most restorative sleep you've EVER experienced. You finally get to wake up fresh and rejuvenated - who knew!
Your skin is about to erupt. You wont have your usual comfort to turn to, so you'll have to feel ALL the feels. This will include the good - which until now, have been numbed out along with the bad.
Your skin will start to glow, mostly because you're no longer hydrating to rehydrate the dehydration caused by the poison.
Your relationships with other people will change and at first, this will be scary as s**t - but that's ok, because you're just remembering who the f**k you are. Some of those people should never have been allowed to take up space in your life anyway.
Your vision is about to get 20/20. You will see the world around you in the colour it always was.
Your mental health will take a dip, before it improves. Trust the recalibration that's about to occur.
You are about to feel really lonely and isolated, but you will learn the tools required to see this as exactly what it is, growth.
You will use these tools to help other women, just like you. You will grow your own tribe of incredible warriors and to those, you will be a light in the dark.
You'll quit your job (I know) and after some trial and error, you will create your own career based on faith and a new, intrinsic understanding of what lights you up.
You will discover why you are here."
Trust the process, find and use your tribe, commit to yourself and do whatever it takes to honour that commitment.
I give you this, not to brag but to shine a light in the darkness that is problematic drinking. A darkness I knew so well.
I will continue to shine this light, for you to follow my friends because trust me - this side is so much better.
If you need me, you know where I am. I'm waving at you with my bright, beautiful candle, arms wide open with the biggest smile on my face.
Come on, let your future self thank you.